KAN TAI PANDA ADVENTUES #6: Q Is For Qaper

Scene opens up with a wide shot of a train coming through a tunnel and back out into the open. THE DAY IS JUST STARTING TO COME TO AN END AS THE SUN HAS ALMOST DISAPPEARED BEHIND THE MOUNTAIN. THE SCENE SHIFTS TO INSIDE THE TRAIN WHERE KAN TAI IS STARING OUT THE WINDOW.

KAN TAI

I’m so glad that we decided to take the train to our next destination. It’s so beautiful outside and now look at that sunset. Don’t you agree, Panda?

The only response she gets is snoring as we see Panda fast asleep in the seat across from Kan Tai, who just shakes her head. However, up ahead of the train, we see a hooded figure perched on a lamp post. As the train gets closer, the figure leaps into the air and lands on top, when her hood flies off and we get the splash screen for Q as she stays in her pose, hair whipping behind her as the train moves on.

KAN TAI PANDA ADVENTURES OPENING
(Theme Song: “GO!” by M83 & Mia Lan)

EPISODE 6: Q IS FOR QAPER

We come back from the opening credits to see a pillow hit Panda smack in the face as he wakes up with a start.

PANDA

What? Hey! I was dreaming about grape soda flavored bamboo leaves.

KAN TAI

Do bamboo trees have leaves?

PANDA

What do I know? I’m not a real panda. Cut me a break here.

The strumming of a guitar is heard as Panda’s ears perk up.

PANDA

I didn’t know this train car had a live band.

KAN TAI

I doubt that it does. Oh, hey! Look it’s professional wrestler and rock star, Griffin Hawkins!

Walking by still strumming, the guest star splash screen reiterates Kan Tai’s announcement that this is Griffin Hawkins.

GRIFFIN HAWKINS

You got that right. Fancy seeing you on this train, Kan Tai.

PANDA

And Panda.

GRIFFIN HAWKINS

Right. Mind if I take a seat?

KAN TAI

Help yourself! What are you doing on this train?

GRIFFIN HAWKINS

Probably the same as you?

PANDA

Hoping our final destination is a place where there is unlimited popcorn and grape soda?

GRIFFIN HAWKINS

Probably not that, no. Not sure how you can drink that stuff.

PANDA

Why’s everyone gotta hate on my grape soda?

Everyone looks up as footsteps are heard on top of the car.

GRIFFIN HAWKINS

That’s weird. I wonder who would be up on top of a moving train? Seems rather dangerous if you ask me.

PANDA

Someone probably needed some fresh air or wanted to go for a jog.

KAN TAI

On top of a train? That’s a weird idea.

PANDA

Maybe it’s a good old fashioned train heist?

GRIFFIN HAWKINS

Man, you are reaching today. There hasn’t been a train heist since the wild west that I can recall.

PANDA

Sounds like we’re due, if you ask me.

KAN TAI

Don’t be silly. Trains have very fancy security these days, besides I doubt there’s anything all that valuable aboard. People don’t usually send valuables on a train.

Scene changes to Q, dropping down behind a car as the train speeds down the track. The door has a high tech security lock that requires a retinal scan as well as a password. She pulls out a small box from her pocket and opens it up and carefully picks up a contact lens and brings it to her eye. She then looks into the scanner as a red light comes out and scans across her eye and then the first light turns from red to green.

Q

One down.

She then flips over the box and there is something written on the bottom. She then begins to punch in a number of keys on the keypad until finally the second red light turns green and the door unlocks. She pumps her fist in the air.

Q

Yes!

She reaches up and pulls the door open and slips into the car. We go back into the car with Kan Tai, Panda and Griffin Hawkins. A marshall steps into car.

MARSHALL

We’re going to ask everyone to remain seated. We may have an issue and in order for us to do our job, we’re going to need everyone’s cooperation.

KAN TAI

I knew those footsteps were trouble.

PANDA

So, we’ll just sit here and let the marshall do his job, right?

KAN TAI

Of course.

GRIFFIN HAWKINS

Sounds good to me.

KAN TAI and GRIFFIN HAWKINS exchange looks, then look over at PANDA

PANDA

Oh man, I hate it when you look at me like that.

We check in with the marshall as he moves through the cars and gets to the secure car. He gets his eye scanned and types in the password on the panel and then enters the door. As he looks around and sees nothing amiss, he turns around and suddenly he’s sprayed in the face with some mist and instantly collapses to the ground.

Q

Protect and serve, hm? Let’s get you out of the way here.

Q drags the marshall off out of the way and then returns to the start digging through the boxes that are stacked around. She finds a case and pulls it out and tries to open it, but it’s locked.

Q

Well, lucky for me that I come prepared.

She pulls out a gadget from her pocket and places it on the case and turns it on and numbers begin to spin as we change scenes back to Kan Tai, Panda and Griffin. Kan Tai approaches an attendant.

KAN TAI

Have you seen the train marshall? I heard some strange sounds on the roof of the train.

Panda tugs on Kan Tai’s sleeve.

PANDA

What happened to letting the marshall do his thing?

KAN TAI

Well, I don’t see a marshall around here, do you?

ATTENDANT

We do have a marshall. Let me find him and I’ll have him check it out.

As the attendant walks off, Panda glares at Kan Tai as Griffin looks between the two. We go back to check in on Q and her gadget beeps as the lock on the clicks open. Q rubs her hands together as she steps up to the box and slowly opens the lid and as she does a green hue reaches her face as she grins even wider.

Q

Well, hello there pretty thing. Let’s get you somewhere save before someone comes looking for you.

Scene changes back to the attendant who approaches Kan Tai and her party.

ATTENDANT

He doesn’t appear to be around. I’ve checked all the cars I’ve got access to.

GRIFFIN HAWKINS

What car don’t you have access to?

ATTENDANT

Well…

Back in the previous cargo car, Q is putting the box into her backpack and she starts to head to the door when the faces of Kan Tai and Griffin Hawks appear in the window.

Q

Guess it’s time to use the back door.

Q moves to the back, opens the door and slips out of the car. Outside the car, we see Q climbing to the top of the car and as she reaches the top, Kan Tai is also climbing as well on the other side of the car.

Q

You best not be getting into my business, little girl.

KAN TAI

First of all, I’m an adult. Second of all, I don’t know what you’ve taken from that car but you’re going to have to return it. Stealing never pays!

Q

You obviously haven’t visited many pawn shops in your life. Stealing pays plenty, Kan Tai.

What Q doesn’t see is that climbing up the car behind her is Griffin Hawkins. We see him sneaking up behind her, but he doesn’t see a bar that is nailed to the roof of the car as his foot gets tripped and we see him in slow motion as he yells and his face contorts and he goes feet over head soaring over Q, who watches him fly over her head and he crashes into Kan Tai, sending them both over the edge. Q moves over to look over the edge and sees Hawkins hanging over the edge and Kan Tai hanging by his legs.

Q

Well, look like I’ve caught myself some busy bodies. Time to put your nose in someone else’s business.

We fade out and when we come back, Q has tied out heroes to the front of the train. Inside the front o the train, Q has also taken out the conductor and tied him up, leaving him in the corner.

Q

I’m telling you that you shouldn’t put yourself in someone else’s business. I was here to take something that’s very valuable, otherwise minding my own business.

KAN TAI

You were stealing something that didn’t belong to you!

Q

No one is perfect like you, Kan Tai. Now, if you’ll excuse me, my stop is coming up while your stop will be at the end of the line!

With that, Q leaps back up to the top of the train and starts to move towards the back.

PANDA

What’s going on up here?

Panda walks into the engine of the train slurping on a grape soda. He notices the conductor passed out on the floor thanks to Q.

PANDA

Ain’t this guy supposed to be running the train?

KAN TAI

PANDA! Q knocked him out and took off.

GRIFFIN HAWKINS

The wind is blowing my hair all over! Travesty!

PANDA

Where are you guys?

KAN TAI

Tied to the front of the train! Get him up and help us get us untied.

PANDA

You mean come out there in front of the train? Nuh-huh.

KAN TAI & GRIFFIN HAWKINS

PANDA!

PANDA

Okay! Okay! It’s not like you’re not getting fresh air.

PANDA wakes up the conductor who resumes control of the engine while Panda starts his way out of the engine, deciding to finish his soda first as the scene fades and when we return both Kan Tai and Griffin Hawkins have been rescued.

GRIFFIN HAWKINS

We gotta stop Q. She’s stolen something and she’s gonna get away.

KAN TAI

She’s very slippery, it seems. Let’s go.

PANDA

I’ll stay here and keep this guy company (towards the conductor)

KAN TAI

You too, Panda. (to the conductor) Please contact the authorities and let them know something’s been stolen.

They climb back to the top of the train.

PANDA

You realize I’m a stuffed animal with zero weight, right?

KAN TAI reaches and grabs Panda and carries him across the top of the train. Down towards the other end of the train is Q as she seems to be looking for a good jump off place. The train is approaching a farm with some horses and cows grazing. Q decides to make a jump for it and leaps onto an electric pole and slides down, leaping from about halfway up and lands on a horse who doesn’t seem to appreciate it, but when Q tells it to ‘giddy up’, it obliges and begins to run along the train track. Q raises a hand towards the train and waves.

Q

Bye bye, morons!

Flashing an angry look, Kan Tai jumps as well, sliding down the pole and finding her own horse and chases after. Griffin Hawkins also leaps, but he gets his pants stuck on one of the pegs, which allows his pants to rip and he falls to the ground with his heart-covered boxer shorts.

GRIFFIN HAWKINS

Well, this wasn’t what I was hoping for.

He looks up and sees his pants hanging from the pole and shrugs before hopping on a horse and charging after the others.

Q looks behind and sees the others on her tail and she kicks the horse to go faster as she begins to distance herself from the others. Griffin Hawkins has caught up to Kan Tai and Panda who is behind Kan Tai, arms trying to wrap around her waist to hold on for dear life when he notices Griffin.

PANDA

Dude, where are your pants.

GRIFFIN HAWKINS

Don’t ask. Long story.

PANDA

I didn’t figure you for a hearts guy. I figured you for more of a guitar shorts guy.

GRIFFIN HAWKINS

My guitar shorts were in the laundry.

KAN TAI

She’s getting away.

KAN TAI nudges her horse to go faster as she starts to distance herself from GRIFFIN but gets closer to Q.

Q

I told you all to mind your own business! Q gotta get paid.

KAN TAI

Stealing for someone else? That’s low, even for you Q!

Q

Like I said, ya girl gotta get paid.

Unfortunately for Q, she’s not watching where she’s going, but the horse does and notices a very large pool of muddy water up ahead and as he gets close, he decides it’s not his day for a mud bath and he stops suddenly, sending Q flying feet over head right into the puddle. Her backpack overshoots the water and lands on the other side only to be scooped up by a drone and carried off without being noticed.

KAN TAI and GRIFFIN HAWKINS stop their horses and all climb down just as Q comes up for air.

Q

Stupid horse. Ya girl’s all muddy!

KAN TAI

Ya girl’s going to jail.

The sound of sirens are heard in the distance.

GRIFFIN HAWKINS

Mud’s good for the pores, I’m told.

PANDA

Who told you that?

GRIFFIN HAWKINS

My mother.

Scene fades to a muddy Q being handcuffed and taken towards the police car.

Q

I would have gotten away with it all if it hadn’t been for Kan Tai, Griffin Hawkins and that stupid panda.

PANDA

Again, with the stupid? How many times to I have to tell you I’m of average intelligence for a stuffed panda?

POLICEMAN

Did anyone find what it was she stole?

KAN TAI

Her backpack flew off to the other side. You didn’t find it?

POLICEMAN

No. Without it, I doubt we can hold her. But we will do out best. At a minimum we have her for knocking out the conductor and tying you to the front of the train. Thanks for your help!

KAN TAI

You’re welcome! Thanks Griffin for helping out. But you might want to find some pants.

We see Griffin whose legs are turning blue from the cold as he shakes.

GRIFFIN HAWKINS

(stuttering) No problem and yes, that is the plan. As much as I hate to say it, I’m gonna need pants.

Everyone laughs as the scene fades out to the live version of the actual KAN TAI with her stuff Panda.

KAN TAI

Hello everyone! This week we saw that naughty Q try and steal something that didn’t belong to her. It seems someone paid her to do it and that’s not a very nice thing to do. It’s never nice to steal and it’s really never nice to pay someone to steal something for you. I wonder who it was that paid her though. Hopefully we find out soon. Just remember, always be honest. When you want something, pay for it the right way. Right, Panda?

She holds up Panda and gives him a little shake.

KAN TAI

We will see you next time.

The scene changes back to the animation. A door is opened and some footsteps are seen walking in. Someone sets a case down on a desk and whoever is seated behind the desk pulls it close. The case is open and a couple of vials of liquid are inside.

THE BOSS

Ha-ha. Perfect. Even if she did botch it up, we still got the goods. Let’s get this replicated. We’re going to need it soon.

The case is closed and slid back towards whoever brought it as they pick it up and walk away as the other individual laughs evilly as the scene fades.

 

CREDITS

KAN TAI as Herself

PANDA voiced by Cash Mack

Q as herself

GRIFFIN HAWKINS as himself

MARSHALL voiced by Stanley Josh

POLICEMAN voiced by Jeff Moore

ATTENDANT voiced by Jan Marley

 

END EPISODE