KAN TAI PANDA ADVENTURES #1: COVEN CHRISTMAS

INT. KAN TAI’S APARTMENT

Kan Tai and Panda are sitting at the window of their apartment. In the background, the television can be heard playing a cartoon of some sort while the two stare out the window.

PANDA

(sighing) I wish it would snow for Christmas.

KAN TAI

It will snow! The man on the radio said it is going to snow! You should have faith, Panda. 

PANDA

It’s clear as day outside, Kan. I’m pretty sure it’s not going to snow.

The news interrupts their speaking.

REPORTER

This is a Special News Bulletin! During a visit down near CIty Hall, Santa was kidnapped in broad daylight! We have this footage.

Video footage sees SANTA CLAUS handing out candy to children down by City Hall. Suddenly, from the sky sliding down ropes, two individuals reach the ground. They rush over and put a giant bag over the head of Santa and scoop him up. 

MYSTERY KIDNAPPER #1

We got him! Bring us up!

The two figures hold onto the giant sack as they are lifted up into the air and get back on the helicopter.  

MYSTERY KIDNAPPER #2

Let’s go go go!

The helicopter flies off and disappears into the distance. We go back to Panda and Kan Tai watching this on TV.

PANDA

Someone stole Santa Claus! What are we going to do?

KAN TAI

It’s not stealing, Panda. It’s kidnapping! And I don’t know what we’re going to do!

PANDA

Someone has to save him!

KAN TAI

Sounds like another job for Kan Tai and Panda, if you ask me.

PANDA

Are you sure this isn’t a job for the police?

KAN TAI

Get your things! Let’s go down to the scene of the crime!

KAN TAI PANDA ADVENTURES OPENING
(Theme Song: Jingle Bell Rock – Special Christmas Themed Open)

EPISODE 1: COVEN CHRISTMAS

 

Ext CITY HALL

KAN TAI and PANDA are walking towards City Hall. There are police cars with lights flashing all around. Several police officers are questioning witnesses to the event who are giving their account of the incident.

PANDA

I don’t know what you think we can do here, Kan Tai. It’s not like we are detectives or the police. We should just let them do their job.

KAN TAI

You never know what you can do until you try, Panda. 

KAN TAI stops moving and PANDA crashes into the back of her, falls backwards and rubs his nose.

PANDA

What’s the big idea?

KAN TAI

Look over there.

The camera moves over and speaking to an officer is a tall blond haired woman. 

KAN TAI AND PANDA

It’s Elysium World Champion, Stacy DeVille!

Cue applause track as a graphic for Stacy appears on the screen, pauses for a moment and then fades away.  

KAN TAI

Stacy DeVille! What are you doing here?

STACY

I’m here like everyone else. I came down to see Santa Claus, but then I saw what happened. I know you, you’re Kan Tai and Panda. 

PANDA

And I’m Panda!

KAN TAI

She said that already.

PANDA

Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you.

KAN TAI

So, what did you see, Stacy?

STACY

Just like it was on the news. Santa was here giving out candy and talking to children when a helicopter came out of the sky and two individuals slid down a rope and bagged the jolly old man and took him up and away.

PANDA

You couldn’t identify who they were?

STACY

Well, they were wearing masks but I did recognize one of the Santa-nappers. I’d recognize those hips anywhere. 

KAN TAI

Who was it? Tell us!

STACY

It was…

The sounds of police radios crackling. The scene shifts to a business district where an appliance store has televisions in the window and a voice is heard over TVs, radios, anything with a speaker.

VOICE 1

Now hear this! We have kidnapped your dear precious Santa Claus and if our demands aren’t met, then we will hold him until Christmas day is over! 

There’s a bit of shuffling heard and a second voice is heard.

VOICE 2

You hear that? You better do what we say or we’re gonna make Christmas go away, just like that!

VOICE 1

I got this, thanks. 

VOICE 2

I just wanted to make sure they know we mean business!

VOICE 1

Oh, they’re gonna know alright.

COP

This is LT Flannigan here with the police force and just so we are clear, what exactly are your demands?

KAN TAI

You sure you know who that is, Stacy?

STACY

Sure do. That’s Jansen Myrrh and that means the other would be War Queen Leah. 

PANDA

That means the one flying the copter had to be Gabriel Ohio.

KAN TAI

All members of that evil organization known as Coven. They’re always up to no good!

STACY

That’s right. Whatever it is they have planned or whatever it is they want, it isn’t going to be easy.

JANSEN

(On the radio) We’re going to tell you exactly what we want and you better be ready to deliver if you ever want to have Christmas ever again!

Dramatic music and a break.

As the show comes back from a commercial break, KAN TAI, STACY DEVILLE, PANDA and LT FLANNIGAN are standing around looking like they aren’t quite sure they heard what they just heard from members of the COVEN. So, the show rewinds to what was missed during the break.

REWIND BACK TO:

KAN TAI, STACY DEVILLE, PANDA and LT FLANNIGAN are outside of a squad car and FLANNIGAN has the radio in hand.

FLANNIGAN

We know that you three are Coven members. We are willing to listen to your demands, so what are they.

INT. MYSTERY LAIR

JANSEN MYRRH, WAR QUEEN LEAH and GABRIEL OHIO are standing around an old radio that seems to be emitting some electromagnetic waves through the antenna. JANSEN MYRRH has the handset of the radio in her hand as she looks at the other two.

JANSEN MYRRH

We got them jokers right where we want them. Let’s hit them.

Muffling noises are heard as the scene pans over to SANTA CLAUS tied to a chair with a Christmas decorated handkerchief in his mouth to keep him quiet. 

JANSEN MYRRH: Shut up, old man or we’ll have BBQ reindeer for dinner tonight.

WAR QUEEN LEAH

Let’s hit them with it. 

JANSEN MYRRH clicks on the handheld.

JANSEN MYRRH

We hereby demand (whispers to LEAH and GABRIEL) see how I use important words? (back to the radio) We hereby demand that every cease in the creation of anything that tastes, looks, smell or sounds like Pumpkin Spice. We don’t need pastries, cereal, air freshener, oatmeal, window cleaner, leather, hand sanitizer…

WAR QUEEN LEAH reaches for the microphone.

WAR QUEEN LEAH

You all have gone too far this time. I accidentally bought some TP that smells like pumpkin spice! Who would have ever come up with that crazy idea?!  You all need to stop and you need to stop right now or SANTA is gonna get dunked in a big ol’ vat of pumpkin spice tea!

GABRIEL OHIO grunts as he walks over and turns a dial to SCORCHING HOT and steam starts to come out of the giant vat with coincidentally has a giant label on it that says “PUMPKIN SPICE TEA” and a smaller one that says, “DANGER: Contents could be hot. Handle with caution.”  As GABRIEL walks back towards the others, he is chuckling under his breath.

WAR QUEEN LEAH

(into the microphone) GABRIEL OHIO just turned up the heat to scorching hot, so if you don’t want to see SANTA turned into a pumpkin spice flavored crispy critter, you better get on it!

JANSEN MYRRH grabs the microphone.

JANSEN MYRRH

(to War Queen Leah) It’ll be more like pumpkin spice stew, but I think they get the point. (back to the microphone) You only have a few hours left before it’s Christmas so if you expect the fat man to go deliver all his dumb presents before it’s over, you better get us some answers quick or SANTA is gonna be soup! Coven out!

EXT. OUTSIDE CITY HALL 

Back to the original scene where LT FLANNIGAN, STACY DEVILLE, KAN TAI and PANDA are standing there looking like they cannot believe they heard what they heard.

STACY DEVILLE

I know Coven are a little odd, but even this is ridiculous.

KAN TAI

We have to do something!

PANDA

I guess we can go mourn Santa Claus. 

KAN TAI

PANDA! We have to save him.

PANDA

We don’t even know where he is.

STACY DEVILLE

I have a good idea.

STACY points towards a large looming castle. Around the castle there is dark clouds and lightning. Over the city, clear skies, but over the castle nothing but bad weather.

PANDA

Man, only bad weather can tolerate hanging out with Coven. 

PANDA starts to head in the opposite direction.

KAN TAI

Where are you going?

PANDA

Back to the apartment. Where it’s safe. Warm. And there are no giant vats of pumpkin spice tea. 

KAN TAI reaches over and grabs PANDA by the tail as he tries to keep walking. 

KAN TAI

We have to save Christmas! (to Stacy) Are you in?

STACY DEVILLE

Oh, I’m in like a partridge in a pear tree.

PANDA

I’ve a feeling that it’s going to be three geese cooking before it’s all said and done.

STACY DEVILLE

Well, four if you count Santa Claus.

PANDA

Not helpful!

FADE OUT to Commercial

FADE IN to STACY, KAN TAI and PANDA outside of the COVEN Castle. They know this because on the entrance to the castle, is a big sign that says “COVEN CASTLE” there is also another sign right under it that says, “GO AWAY. NO SOLICITING” and under that one more that reads, “UNLESS YOU HAVE GIRL SCOUT COOKIES”. 

STACY

Not too subtle, are they?

KAN TAI

Not at all.

PANDA

Can we go yet? We obviously aren’t welcome.

KAN TAI

Panda! We have to save Santa!

PANDA

I mean really, how important is he that we should risk our lives to save him?

STACY and KAN TAI

PANDA!

PANDA

Okay! Okay! So, we just waltz in the front door then?

STACY

That works for me.

The trio walks up the long, cement steps that lead to the front door of the castle. Lighting is seen and thunder is heard.  There is, predictably, a long string that hangs down near the door.

KAN TAI

What are the chances the door is unlocked?

STACY

Maybe 1 percent.

STACY reaches for the door and tries to open it, but it is indeed locked.

KAN TAI

We could knock?

Just then PANDA reaches over and places his hand on the rope to keep him from falling backwards and a loud GONG rings out, startling both KAN TAI and STACY who leap into the air in suspended motion before coming back down. Lucky for them, the gong allows for the door to creep open just a tad. 

PANDA

Ima go now!

PANDA starts to run away from the castle but KAN TAI reaches out and grabs his tail as he continues to try to run, but goes nowhere.

STACY

I guess we go in.

As PANDA continues to try and run, STACY reaches over and gives the door a push and it emits a very loud creak that causes PANDA’s hair to stand on end and make him run faster.  STACY enters the castle and KAN TAI follows dragging PANDA right behind her.

Int Coven Castle

JANSEN MYRRH is sitting at the table next to the radio, tapping her fingers on the wood surface. WAR QUEEN LEAH is playing a video game and GABRIEL OHIO is sitting in front of SANTA CLAUS who appears to be sweating. Every once in a while, OHIO will reach over and touch a finger to the forehead of SANTA while SANTA winces. Then for no reason, OHIO busts out in laughter. 

GABRIEL OHIO

Can I put him in the vat yet?

WAR QUEEN LEAH

(without stopping her video game playing) Not yet. They got a bit more time. You know, I was thinking that we should have asked for some cash too. We could use a few more things around the castle.

JANSEN MYRRH

What’s the point? We just steal what we want anyway.

WAR QUEEN LEAH

Truth.

The sound of a gong is faintly heard as JANSEN MYRRH perks up.

JANSEN  MYRRH

You invite that troll over again?

GABRIEL OHIO

You mean my mother?

JANSEN MYRRH

Shh.

Everyone stops what they’re doing for a long moment.

JANSEN MYRRH

I think someone’s inside. Better not be any wrestlers coming to try and save SANTA. I’ll make them wish they hadn’t.

WAR QUEEN LEAH

Who’d be dumb enough to not read our signs outside.

GABRIEL OHIO

Maybe it’s the Girl Scouts.

War Queen Leah

Oh snap! I need some of them Samoa Joes.

GABRIEL OHIO

I don’t think that’s what their called.

JANSEN gets up out of her chair and motions for the others to follow.

JANSEN MYRRH

C’mon.

The trio begin to move out and disappear through a doorway.  As they move through the corridor, there are several pictures of trio in goofy poses lined up in the hallway.  For some reason, they have torches to light the hallway instead of lights. The three tip toe in a very ridiculous manner.

Scene changes back to STACY, KAN TAI and PANDA moving down another corridor when the face of GABRIEL OHIO appears as he growls! Panda’s hair stands on end for a moment. 

JANSEN MYRRH

I know them! That’s Stacy DeVille, Kan Tai and her annoying panda Panda. Get them!

Crazy chase scene ensues with JANSEN running after PANDA, LEAH chasing KAN TAI and GABRIEL OHIO chasing STACY. The pairs run back and forth across the screen several times with goody chase music playing in the background.  The chase ends when the COVEN trio run by chasing no one. Slowly, the lids of three urns rise up, revealing STACY, KAN TAI and PANDA’s heads peeking out.

STACY

I think the coast is clear. 

KAN TAI

Let’s go find Santa.

PANDA

How will we get near them without getting Coven out of the way?

KAN TAI

(excitedly) I have a plan!

FADE OUT TO: Commercial

FADE IN TO: STACY DEVILLE, KAN TAI and PANDA are ducked down, hiding from COVEN as KAN TAI has just finished explaining her plan.

STACY DEVILLE

That can’t possibly work. Where are we going to find…

Before she can finish that sentence, KAN TAI pulls a large chain of Christmas lights out of her pocket.

STACY DEVILLE

How did you…

PANDA

(interrupting) Don’t ask, okay?  What I want to know is why’s it gotta be me?

KAN TAI

Because you’re the smallest and it’s either you do what I said, or you have to be the bait.

PANDA

Good point. Alright, give them to me.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the castle.

WAR QUEEN LEAH

See where they went? 

JANSEN MYRRH

No. They just vanished. 

JANSEN pauses for a moment and looks at the three of them for a moment.

JANSEN MYRRH

If we’re here, who’s watching Fat Christmas?

KAN TAI

(from a distance) I found Santa!

WAR QUEEN LEAH

Let’s go!

The trio run towards the voice down the hall. KAN TAI and STACY are standing there waiting.

JANSEN MYRRH

There they are!

STACY and KAN TAI begin to run with the COVEN on their heels when suddenly flying down from on high, PANDA with a trail of Christmas lights fly in and then circle around and around and around and around the three COVEN members, tying them up nice and neat. 

STACY and KAN TAI

We got them!

PANDA

Who got them? 

PANDA reaches over and plug in the lights and they begin to flash.

FADE OUT TO: Outside of the castle. The police have handcuffed members of the Coven and are taking them away.

LT FLANNIGAN

Well, I can’t believe you saved Santa. We were about to storm the place, but at least we know he’s safe and sound.  Where is the jolly man, anyway?

STACY, KAN TAI and PANDA all exchange looks.

ALL

We don’t know!

SANTA

(walking out of the castle) Oh ho ho! I’m right here.

KAN TAI

SANTA!

PANDA

How did you get free?

SANTA

Oh, I could have left anytime I wanted, but I thought I’d see if anyone would be willing to save Christmas.

PANDA

Wait, so we went through all of that for nothing? And still no snow.

SANTA leans over and touches PANDA on the nose and then gives him a wink.

SANTA

Thanks to you three, Christmas is saved! I’ll make sure to leave something special for you at your homes. 

STACY DEVILLE

Well, we couldn’t let Christmas get ruined by those three scrooges. 

JANSEN MYRRH turns around.

JANSEN MYRRH

(snarling) You think you’re so smart. One day, everything will be pumpkin spice and you’ll be wishing that you had let us finish our plan. Both of you and your stupid panda too.

WAR QUEEN LEAH

Who runs around with a dumb panda anyway?

COP:

Let’s go.

GABRIEL OHIO is the last to be placed into the van and he manages a grunt before finally going inside and the doors are closed behind them and the van takes off. Focus on Panda as a single snowflake falls and lands right on his nose. He jumps around for joy as more snow begins to fall.

SANTA

I should be getting on my way though, so many presents to deliver. 

SANTA starts to walk off the screen when he turns back.

SANTA

You haven’t seen my sleigh around anywhere, have you?

FADE TO: Live action KAN TAI with her stuffed Panda

KAN TAI

Hi everyone! Today you saw what scrooges people can be if they don’t believe in the Christmas Spirit. Stacy DeVille, myself and Panda put the Christmas Spirit in action. It’s not just important to behave yourself all year around to get presents from Santa, but because it’s what the Christmas spirit is all about. So, take it from Panda and me, always do the right thing and display the Christmas Spirit all year around.

KAN TAI holds up Panda in one hand and waves the with other.

KAN TAI

We will see you next time!

FADE OUT TO AN ANIMATED WAREHOUSE

The doors of the warehouse open up and with a thunking sound effect, rows of lights come on.  Someone leads eight reindeer into the warehouse and into a stall that is labelled for them.  

Scene switches to an office scene where a mysterious individual sits behind a desk, watching the warehouse on a monitor.

MALE VOICE

One down, many to go. Very soon I will own all of these precious things. (laughing)  Including that talking Panda. (more laughing)

 

 

CREDITS

KAN TAI as Herself

PANDA voiced by Cash Mack

STACY DEVILLE as herself

JANSEN MYRRH as herself

WAR QUEEN LEAH as herself

GABRIEL OHIO as himself

SANTA voiced by Jeff Moore

LT FLANNIGAN voiced by Nip Sails

END EPISODE