KAN TAI PANDA ADVENTURES #2: Trash Panda Tree

Ext opens at the City Park. There is a crowd of individuals standing around and in the gazebo stands the Mayor of the city and beside them are professional wrestling Arley Kirk and Super Tiger, better known as the Kawaii Trash Pandas. There is a banner over the gazebo proclaiming it “Kawaii Trash Panda Day” and the Mayor is giving a speech.

MAYOR

And furthermore, in remembrance of their great service to our community through outreach and acts of kindness, we dedicate this day as Kawaii Trash Panda Day.

He steps back and the team step forward to the microphone and Super Tiger begins to speak.

SUPER TIGER

We would like to thank the Mayor and the city for this recognition! We are truly honored to be honored on this day. 

ARLEY KIRK

Yeah! And we want to encourage everyone else to chip in and do their part to help this city and those in need! We can’t do everything on our own.

The Mayor steps forward again as the scene pans to notice that KAN TAI and PANDA are in the audience of spectators.

MAYOR

We want to do a special dedication of this very particular tree which was planted on the first day this town actually became a town. And look how it has grown.

As everyone turns towards the tree, there is a gasp from the crowd as instead of a big tree, there is a giant hole.  There is a sign sticking out of the hole that reads, “SORRY, TRASH PANDAS!”

KAN TAI PANDA ADVENTURES OPENING
(Theme Song: “GO!” by M83 & Mia Lan)

EPISODE 2: TRASH PANDA TREE

FADE BACK TO SCENE

ARLEY KIRK, SUPER TIGER, KAN TAI, PANDA are all gathered around the big hole in the ground.

SUPER TIGER

Who would do such a mean thing?

ARLEY KIRK

Someone who had a sad childhood, I imagine. What are we gonna do now?

KAN TAI

Well, obviously we have to find who did this.

PANDA

Well, you three have fun. I’m just gonna go…

KAN TAI

Oh no you’re not! You’re going to help us solve this mystery!

PANDA

I was afraid you were going to say that.

Ex Scene change to a van driving down the road with a logo on the side for “NewTube” On top of the van is a giant tree tied down. It’s obscenely huge sitting on top compared to the size of the van. As the scene focuses on the driver, we are treated to a graphic letting us know that the driver is “Evil” Emily Falls.

She drives the van through a gate and into a large building that looks to be the abandoned warehouse for the defunct “NewTube” company. As she drives through, the tree has to squeeze to fit in and the garage door slams shut behind her.  Inside the abandoned media factory, Emily gets out of her vehicle and all her henchmen follow suit.

HENCHMAN 1

So, boss, whatchu gonna do with this big fancy tree?

HENCHMAN 2

Big Christmas tree?

EMILY FALLS

I’m the idea person around here. And I haven’t decided actually what I wanna do with this tree! Maybe I’ll have it cut into smaller pieces so I can make the world’s largest dollhouse. Maybe I’ll turn it into a big pile of toothpicks. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll take it out into the forest and plant it back into the ground…

HENCHMAN 3

I mean, if you do that, how you gonna pay…

EMILY FALLS

Are you questioning my decisions, Henchman… which number are you again?

HENCHMAN 3

Three…

EMILY FALLS

I don’t care which number you are! Don’t question me again! And I’ll pay you like I paid you last time.

The henchmen groan.

HENCHMAN 1

Gift cards again? I don’t even like Denny’s.

HENCHMAN 2

Or Old Navy.

EMILY FALLS

You know the deal when you signed up. You wanna go be henchmen somewhere else, by all means. But don’t think you’re getting any gift cards if you leave. Now, before I was so rudely interrupted, my entire point was to spoil that ceremony for those stupid Kawaii Trash Pandas! How do they get a day of celebration and I don’t? It should be Emily Falls Day! It should be Emily Falls Day around the entire world!

HENCHMAN 2

Hey, boss. What is it you’ve done to deserve a day in your honor?

Emily gets up into the henchmen’s face with a mean look.

EMILY FALLS

What did I do? Did you just ask me what I did? I. WAS. BORN!! That’s what I did! I should be celebrated for my existence. You got that? Or do I need to do that thing the last time you questioned me?

HENCHMAN 3

Not the cat thing, boss. Look, we won’t ask no more questions, just don’t do the cat thing.

EMILY FALLS

Fine. Let’s get this tree up to the wood mill. I’m going to wood chip those Trash Panda’s day of happiness into mulch!

DRAMATIC MUSIC INTO BREAK

Scene returns to KAN TAI, PANDA, ARLEY KIRK AND SUPER TIGER still at the City Park. 

KAN TAI

Any idea who could have done such an evil thing?

SUPER TIGER

Well, you do make a lot of enemies in professional wrestling, but I don’t know who would want to ruin a day of celebrating doing good in the community.

ARLEY KIRK

Really, we were all just trying to have some good fun and someone had to come along and spoil it.

PANDA has wandered off while the other three chat.

KAN TAI

Well, we have to do something! We can’t leave that big giant hole in the ground!

SUPER TIGER

I know! Someone could fall in and hurt themselves.

ARLEY KIRK

The bigger picture is that this was a very rare tree and probably very valuable.  It’s a historic landmark for the town.

KAN TAI

So, the real question is how in the world will we find out where the tree was taken and who took it?

PANDA clears his throat as he stands in the middle of the road.

PANDA

How about this trail of needles?

Sure enough, there is a trail of tree needles that lead down the road that must have been left by the tree thief.

ARLEY KIRK

Huh. Well, how did we miss that?

SUPER TIGER

Let’s follow and see where they lead?

As they zoom off the scene changes to Emily Falls and her henchmen as they are in their van, driving up a dirt road.

EMILY FALLS

Let’s hurry. We gotta get this tree cut up before the authorities are onto us. I’m going to build the world’s biggest dollhouse with all the wood I’m gonna cut with this tree. 

HENCHMAN 1

Where are you gonna put this dollhouse, boss?

EMILY FALLS

At my house. Where else would I put it? How can I play dolls if the dollhouse isn’t at my house? Maybe if I make the dollhouse big enough, it could just be my house after all.

HENCHMAN 2

That’s a good idea, boss.

The van pulls up to the wood mill, which we know because there’s a big sign outside that reads “Wood Mill”.  EMILY FALLS gets out of the van. 

EMILY FALLS

Let’s get this tree into the mill and get to cutting. We gotta get this thing cut faster than a woodchuck!

HENCHMAN 3

I don’t think woodchucks really chuck wood.

EMILY FALLS

Who asked you? Are you questioning me? I told you to stop reading Wikipedia!

HENCHMAN 3

Sorry, boss.

Scene changes to in front of the abandoned NewTube warehouse. Parked in front are our heroes.

KAN TAI

Looks like they were here but left.

SUPER TIGER

More needles leading up into the forest from here.

ARKEY KIRK

What’s up in the forest besides more trees?

PANDA points to a sign that says “Wood Mill” with an arrow leading up.

KAN TAI

They’re gonna cut up the historic tree! 

SUPER TIGER

(angrily) Who would do such a thing?

ARLEY KIRK

And why?

KAN TAI

As we going to sit here and ask silly questions or are we going to go try and stop them?

PANDA

I vote we sit here!

Unfortunately for PANDA, his vote is ignored as the quartet zoom off up towards the wood mill. Meanwhile, at the wood mill…

HENCHMAN 1

You hear that, boss? Sounds like a car of some sort.

EMILY FALLS moves to the cliff and looks over and sees our heroes zooming up towards them.

EMILY FALLS

Drat it all! Get the thing ready!

HENCHMAN 2

What thing?

EMILY FALLS

(exasperated) The trap thing!

The henchmen have finished putting the tree on the conveyor belt and quickly rush to the van. 

Scene changes back to our heroes as they zoom towards the wood mill, ARLEY KIRK is driving with PANDA in the passenger seat and KAN TAI and SUPER TIGER in the back. SUPER TIGER leans forward and points.

SUPER TIGER

Look! The wood mill!

KAN TAI

There’s a van. That has to be the bad guys.

Our heroes pull up in front of the van and climb out, all except PANDA.

PANDA

I’ll just wait here.

KAN TAI reaches in and plucks out PANDA and sets him on the ground.

PANDA

Or, I’ll just come with you. 

Our quartet begin to walk towards the mill when suddenly the sound of a saw is heard.

SUPER TIGER

They’re going to cut up the tree! 

KAN TAI

Let’s hurry.

They begin to run towards the sound when all of a sudden, from underneath they are scooped up into a giant net and hung into the air. As they try and wiggle free, suddenly into view of them comes EMILY FALLS and her henchmen. EMILY is laughing loudly.

KAN TAI

You?

SUPER TIGER

Oh no!

KAN TAI

That’s “Evil” EMILY FALLS!

EMILY FALLS

I prefer “Adorable” Emily Falls, thank you very much. Nice to see you hanging around.

The quartet in the net groan at the pun.

EMILY FALLS

That was a great pun, but don’t you worry. You won’t be around much longer to appreciate my others. You see, this history tree is going to be cut up into enough pieces to build me the world’s largest dollhouse.

ARLEY KIRK

You can’t cut that tree! It’s a landmark! 

EMILY FALLS

It’s going to landmark right into my backyard when I make my dollhouse.

KAN TAI

That wasn’t even a good pun. 

EMILY FALLS

(angrily) You shut up! Don’t mock my puns. Henchmen, you know what to do with these busybodies. 

As the henchmen move in on our heroes, the scene fades and when it fades back in our heroes are all tied to this giant tree as it lays on the conveyor belt. SUPER TIGER is nearest to the blade, followed by ARLEY KIRK, then KAN TAI and then PANDA at the top of the tree.

EMILY FALLS

When we cut this tree up, we will be rid of this nosey ninnies

HENCHMEN 1

That was a good one, boss.

EMILY FALLS

That wasn’t even a pun! 

HENCHMEN 1

Sorry, boss.

EMILY FALLS

Just go flip that switch so we can get this done and get back home and start building my dollhouse.

KAN TAI

You’ll never get away with this, Emily Falls. 

PANDA

I knew I should have stayed in the car.

EMILY FALLS walks over to where KAN TAI is tied to the tree and leans over.

EMILY FALLS

You think I won’t get away with this, KAN TAI? Well, you just watch this and your final words will be that I did get away with this. 

KAN TAI

I’ll never say that.

EMILY FALLS

Yes, you will.

KAN TAI

No, I won’t.

EMILY FALLS walks over and flips on the switch and the saw begins to spin and the belt starts to inch our heroes towards the saw.

EMILY FALLS

Let’s go out and wait for this tree to finish cutting so we can get out of here.

The bad guys leave and as the belt inches closer and closer, dramatic music plays in the background as the scene fades out.  When it returns, our heroes are still in dire peril.

PANDA

Well, I guess this is it. Cut in half in the middle of my youth. 

SUPER TIGER

ARLEY, quick give me your hairpin!

ARLEY KIRK squirms a bit and flicks her hairpin towards SUPER TIGER who catches it and then flicks it away.  The hairpin bounces off the wall, then a hanging light and then flies towards the saw blade, which it pings off and then goes up towards the ceiling which it bounces off and then nails the saw switch turning the entire thing off. 

KAN TAI

That was amazing.

SUPER TIGER

It’s all in the wrist.

PANDA still has his eyes closed tightly.

PANDA

I didn’t even get to tell my mother goodbye!

KAN TAI

PANDA, it’s stopped!

PANDA

What?  (opens his eyes) I knew that.

KAN TAI

What mother?

SUPER TIGER slips free of her ropes and then goes around untying everyone.

SUPER TIGER

Let’s focus! We have to stop Emily Falls.

Outside of the mill, the henchmen are playing cards and EMILY FALLS is scrolling on her phone when she hears the saw stop running.

EMILY FALLS

Go find out what happened to the saw! 

The henchmen throw down their cards and go running into the mill. Several loud noises are heard inside which seems to cause EMILY FALLS some concern and then from inside the mill, the three henchmen are rolled out the door.  Our four heroes rush out the door.

ARLEY KIRK

(yelling) Get her!

EMILY FALLS turns and starts to run, but barely takes two steps when she runs right into the telephone pole comedically then slides down to the ground.  Scene fades and when it returns, EMILY FALLS and her henchmen are being loaded into police cars. 

KAN TAI

Good job everyone!

SUPER TIGER

We should probably get the tree back to the park where it belongs.

PANDA comes walking out of the mill.

PANDA

It’s gone! The tree is gone!

ARLEY KIRK

What do you mean the tree is gone?

They all go rushing in and sure enough, the tree that was there is now gone.

KAN TAI

Something funny is going on here. Who could have taken that tree without us seeing them?

PANDA

I don’t know but we certainly have some sort of mystery on our hands. First Santa’s sleigh and now the historical tree. 

SUPER TIGER

Well, now we have no tree for the ceremony. 

KAN TAI

I’m sorry, Kawaii Trash Pandas. 

ARLEY KIRK

Well, at least EMILY FALLS and her henchmen are going where they belong.

PANDA

Indeed.

KAN TAI turns to PANDA.

KAN TAI

What’s this about a mother?

Scene ends and fades to live action as Kan Tai and her stuffed Panda enters the scene.

KAN TAI

Today we learned that even if you want something, if it doesn’t belong to you — you don’t have the right to just take it. Emily Falls learned that lesson the hard way.  Instead of being envious, you should be happy for people when they earn an achievement! Isn’t that right, Panda?

KAN TAI shakes the Panda a little towards the camera.

KAN TAI

We will see you next week!

Scene fades back to an animated sequence as the door to the large warehouse is opened and the lights all come on row at a time. A big truck pulls in with the missing tree and it is ceremoniously dropped into a big hole in the floor.  Scene changes to someone watching on a monitor.

THE BOSS

This is easier than I thought. These low level criminals go in, get caught and I swoop out their treasures right underneath their little bitty eyes. (evil laughing)  Now, what’s next on my agenda. What treasure can I find next? (more evil laughing as the non-descript individual leans back in the chair and continues to laugh as the scene fades to credits).

 

CREDITS

KAN TAI as Herself

PANDA voiced by Cash Mack

ARLEY KIRK as herself

SUPER TIGER as herself

EMILY FALLS as herself

HENCHMAN 1 voiced by Stanley Josh

HENCHMAN 2 voiced by Jeff Moore

HENCHMAN 3 voiced by Nip Sails

MAYOR voiced by Tom Peterson

END EPISODE