KAN TAI PANDA ADVENTURES #5: CLIMBING COLA MOUNTAIN

Scene opens up with Kan Tai and Panda WALKING ALONG A TRAIL. KAN TAI CARRIES A BACK PACK, WHILE PANDA USES A WALKING STICK. The SUN IS OUT AND THE BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AS THE TWO MAKE THEIR WAY TO THEIR DESTINATION.

PANDA

What in the world made you decide that we needed to walk up this mountain today? I mean, certainly no one hikes for fun.

KAN TAI

Everyone hikes for fun. Well, perhaps not everyone.

KAN TAI LOOKS AT PANDA

PANDA

Oh, you’re talking about me. Well, you’re right. If I wanted to walk for miles on end, I would have bought a treadmill.

KAN TAI

We both know that’s not true.

PANDA

You’re probably right. Can we turn back yet?

KAN TAI

We’ve only been walking for five minutes, Panda. We’re going to see what’s at the top of Cola Mountain!

PANDA

I wish it were a mountain of colas instead. Grape cola.

KAN TAI

I have no idea how you can drink that stuff.

PANDA

I take a straw..

KAN TAI

I didn’t mean it that way.

Suddenly, rustling in the tree startles Panda who climbs the nearest tree followed by some dramatic music and more rustling of the brush.

KAN TAI PANDA ADVENTURES OPENING
(Theme Song: “GO!” by M83 & Mia Lan)

EPISODE 5: CLIMBING COLA MOUNTAIN

The brush rustles some more and then bursting out comes…

KAN TAI

No way! It’s professional wrestling suplex queen, Lena Skye!

Graphic for Lena Skye appears on the screen momentarily before exploding us back to the previous scene.

LENA SKYE

That would be me.

KAN TAI

What are you doing on this mountain?

LENA SKYE

It was such a nice day out, I thought instead of my usual workout routine, I’d take a hike.

KAN TAI

Got kicked out of the gym?

LENA SKYE

Pretty much. Where’s…?

PANDA

(yelling) Is it safe? Did you get eaten, Kan Tai?

KAN TAI

I did not get eaten, Panda. Get down from there.

Panda yells as he accidently falls to the ground. He gets back up and rubs his rump.

PANDA

Dirt should be softer. (Noticed Lena) Oh hey it’s…

KAN TAI

We already did the splash screen. You were busy hiding.

LENA SKYE

It was a pretty sweet splash screen at that.

PANDA

You could have waited for me.

KAN TAI

You could not have run away squealing.

PANDA

I do not squeal!

LENA SKYE

I heard squealing.

PANDA

(angrily) Well, no one asked you.

KAN TAI

Don’t be mean. (to Lena) How about if we walk up together?

LENA SKYE

Beats walking up alone. Let’s have at it.

PANDA

So, we really are going to the very top?

KAN TAI

We sure are!

PANDA

I’m just going to roll back down when I get up there.

KAN TAI

There’s lots of rocks and sticks to run into on the way down.

PANDA

Maybe I’ll walk then. I don’t suppose anyone saw that sign right there.

Everyone looks to where Panda is pointing and there’s a sign that clearly states, “Keep Out!” underneath it there’s a smaller sign that reads, “This means you!”

LENA SKYE

That’s odd. I’m sure this is public land.

PANDA

Are you sure though? Someone doesn’t want us hiking through.

Kan Tai pulls out a pamphlet and looks through it.

KAN TAI

It says that this is public land. So, we have the right to be here. I’m not sure who put these signs up, but they can’t keep us from going up the mountain.

LENA SKYE

Well, let’s keep hiking then!

PANDA

I’m just gonna head back down the mountain…

PANDA starts walking down, but Kan Tai lifts him and turns him back upwards and he starts up the mountain instead.

LENA SKYE

He always like this?

KAN TAI

Mostly worse.

PANDA

I heard that.

As the scene pans up, watching our trio from the sky, the image changes to black and white and we see someone is watching them on a monitor.

MALE VOICE

How dare they ignore my signs! I didn’t put them up there for amusement! Bah!

The scene finally shows us the speaker and then a sudden splash screen appears for Tyke Index.

TYKE INDEX

Don’t they know I’m the “King of Cola Mountain?” I had a ceremony and everything.

Flashback scene to Tyke Index’s ceremony where a crown is being placed upon his head. As the scene zooms away, we see it’s Type putting the crown on his own head.

TYKE INDEX

Such an amazing day.

Red lights start flashing and a loud alarm is heard as Tyke turns his attention back to the monitor.

TYKE INDEX

I know why they’re coming and I won’t let them take it. ROBOTS!

Suddenly a door whooshes open and three robots zoom towards Tyke. He points.

TYKE INDEX

Go take care of those trespassers!

The robots zoom away. And the scene changes to our hiking trio as they climb up the mountain.

PANDA

That’s the third ‘get lost’ sign I’ve seen on here. Are you sure we aren’t going to get into trouble?

KAN TAI

For the fourth time, we’re fine. This is public land and we have every right to walk this trail.

LENA SKYE

I’m sure people walk this trail every day. You hear that?

The sound of something getting closer and closer.

PANDA

Watch out!

All three duck into the bushes as three robots zoom by and disappear.

KAN TAI

Well, that was weird. Why would there be robots climbing this mountain?

PANDA

Nope. They’re coming back this way!

Suddenly little lasers are firing at our trio to begin to run up the hill and the three robots are right behind them.

PANDA

I told you this was a bad idea.

KAN TAI

Just run! Crazy robots are shooting at us!

LENA SKYE

Everyone jump and try and get into a tree. Maybe we can confuse them if we just disappear.

Panda has no trouble climbing a tree. Kan Tai and Lena also scurry up and wait until the robots come through and they stop and begin to look around. As they look away from the trio, Panda slides down the tree and then he hurries back up before they turn back. They turn away and again, Panda slides down and he has to hurry back up the tree before being seen. The robots appear through a series of beeping noises to split up and each go separate ways. Once they disappear, our trio emerge from the trees.

LENA SKYE

I thought pandas were supposed to be great at climbing trees.

PANDA

You know I’m not a real panda, right? I’m just a stuffed panda. Real talking pandas don’t exist.

LENA SKYE

Real pandas don’t talk but stuffed talking pandas…

KAN TAI

Let’s get out of here before they come back.

Meanwhile, high atop Cola Mountain, Tyke Index is watching everything on the monitor as he slams his fist down on the console.

TYKE INDEX

Blast it! You can’t trust robots to get the jobs done, then let’s send out the drones!

Next to the giant red button on the console is another giant red button that is labeled “DRONES” and Tyke Index slams his fist down on that button and a door opens up and three drones fly out of a door and head outside. On the console, the monitor turns into a video game screen as a joystick rises from a secret door.

TYKE INDEX

Let me see you try and steal my property, will you?

As Tyke Index takes control over the drones who are heading towards our heroes, who just happen to be checking over a map.

PANDA

How much further?

KAN TAI

Well, according to the map, it says we are about half an hour from the top of the mountain.

PANDA

How long is that in Panda time?

LENA SKYE

30 minutes.

PANDA

Oh good.

They begin to climb upwards towards the top when the buzzing sound of the drones are heard.

PANDA

Now what? Killer bees?

LENA SKYE

Don’t worry. If it is killer bees, I have my bug repellant in my back pack.

KAN TAI

That doesn’t sound like bees. Look!

Just then the drones begin to swoop down on them as they begin to run up the mountain, ducking down when the drones begin to fire shots at the group as they continue up the hill. We check in with Tyke Index who is pushing and pulling on the joystick as he continues to chase the three.

TYKE INDEX

That’s it. Just a little bit closer.

As our trio run away from the drones on the screen, as soon as they hit a certain spot, Tyke Index slams his fist down on another button that catches them in a net.

PANDA

Oof. Well, now what?

TYKE INDEX

(Walking out of the cabin.) I’ll tell you what. First, you fail in your mission to steal my prized property.

KAN TAI

What are you talking about? We weren’t trying to steal anything…

TYKE INDEX

QUIET! Do you know who you’re talking to?

LENA SKYE

I know who you are! You’re…

TYKE INDEX

I said QUIET! I am “The King of Cola Mountain”. I prefer to be addressed as “Your Highness” or “King”.

LENA SKYE

Yeah, I ain’t calling you that.

TYKE INDEX

Are you sure about that?

LENA SKYE

Yeah?

KAN TAI

What property are you talking about anyway?

TYKE INDEX

You know full well what property you have come to steal from my kingdom.

PANDA

You mean your mountain?

TYKE INDEX

I said QUIET!

PANDA

Listen Tyke…

TYKE INDEX

King…

PANDA

Tyke…

TYKE INDEX

King…

PANDA

Tyke…

TYKE INDEX

Enough! You have just doomed you and your friends.

PANDA

Did you say groomed?

KAN TAI

I don’t need to be groomed.

LENA SKYE

I could probably stand to comb my hair.

TYKE INDEX

I said be quiet!

TYKE INDEX pulls out a remote control with two buttons on it and he presses one of the buttons and a door underground opens up and a very large black kettle rises from the earth. It looks to be very hot from the steam that comes out of it.

PANDA

Making a stew, are you?

TYKE INDEX

You could say that.

With those ominous words, Tyke Index presses the second button and a drone comes to life as it secures the net which our heroes are trapped inside and slowly begins to head towards the scalding pot.

KAN TAI

What is that?

TYKE INDEX

It’s a vat of lava!

LENA SKYE

Who owns a vat of lava?

TYKE INDEX

I do, of course. Just for emergencies like this. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to my relaxing day. My drones will fly you over, drop you in the vat and that will be the end of you.

Tyke then turns and walks into the cabin while the drone slowly begins to fly towards the giant black pot and as the trio get closer, they can finally see the red, glowing liquid inside.

PANDA

What are we going to do? I’m allergic to being dropped into lava!

KAN TAI

I’m pretty sure everyone is allergic to being dropped into lava, Panda.

PANDA

Well what are we going to do?

LENA SKYE

What does everyone have on them?

KAN TAI

I have a map and a bottle of water. Panda? What did you bring?

PANDA

Nothing.

KAN TAI

Nothing? We’re going to be dropped into lava. Are you sure you have nothing.

PANDA

Fine. I have taffy.

KAN TAI

You brought taffy on a hiking trip?

PANDA

You know I get hungry.

LENA SKYE

Give me the taffy!

PANDA

I’m going to eat this!

LENA SKYE

I don’t want to eat it, Panda. I want to try and drop the drone!

PANDA

Well, in that case.

PANDA hands over the taffy and Lena reaches her arm through a hole in the net and tosses the taffy up. It catches into the rotors of the drone and the drone drops the net, then spirals over and crashes into the hot lava, causing an explosion. Our three heroes climb out of the net, just as Tyke Index bursts from inside.

TYKE INDEX

What’s all that noise?

LENA SKYE

That was us foiling your attempt to lava-tize us!

PANDA

Is that a word?

KAN TAI

It is now. Tyke Index, you can’t just go around dropping people into lava!

TYKE INDEX

In my kingdom, I can do whatever you want.

The three heroes stand there and then begin to crack their knuckles.

LENA SKYE

Is that so?

TYKE INDEX

(backing away) Wait a moment. Let’s talk this through.

As he turns to run, Lena picks up Panda and hurls him towards Tyke, hitting him in the back of the head and sending them both inside in the cabin. A crashing sound is heard. Kan Tai and Lena Skye enter the cabin to see Tyke Index knocked loopy as Panda lying on top of him. Over in the corner is a table that has been set up for something very nice, it seems. A single plate with utensils and a napkin. Scene fades and later the police are there ready to haul Tyke Index away who has been handcuffed.

KAN TAI

What was it you were hiding here, Tyke?

TYKE INDEX

I was about to prepare to feast on a very rare bird. One that I had to have imported in and would have been the meal of my life.

KAN TAI

Probably very illegal too.

LENA SKYE

All of this for a meal? You almost dropped us in lava!

TYKE INDEX

It would have been worth it. I would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you two and that stupid panda too.

PANDA

Okay, I’ve had about enough of these ‘stupid panda’ cracks. I’m a panda of average intelligence, thank you very much!

KAN TAI

The only question now is what happened to the bird?

LENA SKYE

That’s a great question.

Scene fades out to a live background scene and Kan Tai and her stuffed Panda come into view.

KAN TAI

Hello everyone! Thanks for joining us for episode five of Kan Tai Panda Adventures! In today’s story, we saw a man who was so gluttonous that he captured a rare bird and wanted to eat it! There are birds that are okay to eat, but we buy them in a store. But we can’t eat things that are endangered. If I were you? I’d stick with chicken nuggets! We will see you next week!

Kan Tai waves and holds up Panda and gives him a shake too as the scene goes back to the animated sequence.

We see a man sitting at a desk and sets a fork down and then pushes his plate of bones away from him.

MALE VOICE

That was an amazing meal. Give my regards to the chef.

The man begins to laugh evilly as the scene fades out and ends this episode.

 

 

CREDITS

KAN TAI as Herself

PANDA voiced by Cash Mack

LENA SKYE as herself

TYKE INDEX as himself

 

END EPISODE